Definition of criss-cross: To move back and forth through or over; a state of being at conflicting or contrary purposes.
For most of my adult life I fought God’s plan for me. I was dedicated as a newborn at Community Baptist Church in Manhattan Beach. I was raised by ordained ministers; my grandfather was a minister; and so is my Brother. Everyone around me were strong Christians. I did everything I was supposed to do in my youth: “Yes. Yes. Yes!” I went to youth group, sat in church several times a week, then I went to Bible School in Dallas, Texas. I just kept following suit, but deep inside I was afraid. I didn’t want to live a life of ministry in my adulthood. There was spiritual security, but financial security was not there, God was. My Dad was a Man of Faith; trusting in God to make all things work together for good. My Grandfather would point to the sky with his index finger and say “Don’t thank me, Ammie, thank the Lord! I’d wake up in the morning and everyone whether I was at home or staying overnight with my Grandparents…..everyone was reading their bibles and praying.
People would say “You need to marry a minister, Amber!” I’d shake my head and said “No thanks” and run the other way. I still loved God and knew he loved me, so I made good decisions and kept that moral compass at the forefront of my life well into my 20s.So I set out to do all the things I thought would give me financial security. I gained a glamorous career in the legal field. I made great money. I spent time meeting famous attorneys/Judges, going to lavish hotel functions at all of the famous Beverly Hills Hotels. I was in charge of overseeing my court reporter colleagues transcribe world-known entertainment events such as the Academy Awards, Golden Globes, Music Award Shows, Television Critics Association & Press Junkets, spending weeks at these events and staying at the Ritz Carlton in beautiful grand extravagant hotel, however saw a lot of emptiness around me. One thing led to another and almost overnight I lost everything I worked hard for.
Today, I realize that my Criss-Cross Christianity doesn’t work. “A little bit of this, a little bit of that.” I had to come to the end of my rope and let go of my own little life raft of financial security and turn everything over to God. Rather then scold me, He carried me and I finally surrendered, letting go and letting Him finally do HIS WILL in my life.I am still in the same business I have been in these last 22 years and I still work in the midst of the life of legal professionals, but now I ask God every day to lead me and take me on HIS journey for me that day……..By HIS GRACE, no more Criss-Cross Christianity……..it doesn’t mix, it destroys and keeps us from living a true life of PEACE and real JOY, not highs and lows of temporary happiness!Jesus said in Matthew 16:25, “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” God is charge now I am watching Him do His will in my life now.