This sweet and devastating book was written by Angie Smith, wife of singer Todd Smith. They had three young daughters when Audrey Caroline came into their life, but Audrey was not destined to stay long in this temporal world of ours.
“Faith is to believe what we do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what we believe.” -Saint Augustine
At a follow-up ultrasound appointment the technician stopped the small talk as her eyes searched the body of little Audrey. By her silence Angie and Todd knew there was something seriously wrong with their baby. It was confirmed later when the doctor saw the situation for himself. “…I can tell you that from what I have heard so far, this looks to be an extremely serious situation. What are you thinking, sweetheart?” And she answered with more conviction than she felt, “I think my Jesus is the same as He was before I walked through that door.” Did she feel it to be true? Maybe not. Did she know it to be true? Absolutely.
This book is Angie’s story of Audrey’s arrival and her passing and how this high-profile Christian family walked through the death of their daughter. When you read her book you can’t help but have your own faith challenged. She states, “It is easy to be a believer when He gives you a miracle.” But Angie addresses the question that Mary and Martha faced after their brother Lazarus died. They all knew that Jesus could heal. The question was why didn’t he?
The Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.” Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.” Jesus said to her, “Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see the glory of God?” John 11:38-40
Angie writes, “It is not about the stench. It is about trust. He asked them, and He asks us, to be a part of the miracle. How do we respond to this? Are we so distraught over our perceived fears and disappointments that we are paralyzed, or do we trust Him enough to put our hands on the rock? There is no middle ground.”
While there was life destined to be re-breathed into Lazarus, for Audrey’s life was to be one eternal. And through it all – the tears, feelings of betrayal, the celebration of Audrey while not yet born – the family sought Truth. “It’s time to press our full weight into the stone, having complete faith that whether or not there is life in the tomb, there is breath in our lungs to tell of the great Savior who loves us more than we can know.”
The book is a treasure trove of nuggets for those of us who have grieved over the loss of a baby, born or not-yet-born. Also addressed is how one who cannot relate to the mother’s battered heart can minister to the family and an appendix on how to help children grieve.
To contact the Care Community for Miscarriage contact Janna Saavedra at firstname.lastname@example.org
Martha said to Him [Jesus], “I know that he [Lazarus] will rise again in the resurrection on the last day.” Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” John 11:24-26
The question remains, “Do you?”