A Thousand Fears

A Thousand Fears

I have a thousand fears, perhaps even a thousand and one. I’m a mother and I am sure that most of these fears are connected to mothering.  I find as I get older I know less and worry more about what I didn’t know when I should have known it and wonder what I don’t know now that I need to know for the future.  These are my kooky set of fears.

We all have a kooky set of fears and loves that make us do what we do. –Shauna Niequist

These kooky set of fears, I am sure, play into how I love.  If I am afraid all of the time, afraid of what may happen, what may not happen, what will happen and how it will affect everyone – I then love with fear and fear is just plain scary.  I don’t want to love scared or live scared.

I want to live with courage.  I want the kooky love, but not one grown out of the fear.

That’s right. Because I, your God, have a firm grip on you and I am not letting go.  I’m telling you, don’t panic.  I’m right here to help you.  Isaiah 41:13

I love this verse. I have it here, right where I write, reminding me daily that He knows right where I am and the kooky that comes with me where ever I go, and what is so great about that is He loves me anyway despite the kooky and His grip is firm and He is not letting go, instead He is here to help.  How many times do I let fear take hold instead of His mighty grip?

Too often. Like a thousand and one times a day.

When fear takes hold… I stop.  I unplug I feel paralyzed and unequipped.  Its almost as if I walk backwards, retracing all my steps of mistakes and failure and then what I do, how I love comes out of what I fear, making those same mistakes over again.

But what if, instead of stopping and going back, I just keep moving forward, stay plugged in.  Look ahead, not behind. Walk forward, eyes open, heart open, ready and trusting that God is right there, right here.  He’s the one encouraging me to press on, reminding me keep going, keep doing, keep loving, keep listening, keep noticing, keep asking, keep desiring.  He’s saying, “I’ll let you know. Trust me. You’ll know if you’re going in the wrong direction.”

Trust Him.

A thousand and one times a day.

It’s replacing what is so easy to think about – the mistakes and stuff that wasn’t write-home-about moments – and replace them with Truth and remind myself that God’s grip is firm and gentle and way better than the grip of fear.  Does this mean that there won’t be the kooky that causes me to do what I do?  I sure hope not, I kinda like the kooky love that make me do what I do. I just don’t want to be controlled by the fear that can easily take root, take over, make me love scared, the kooky becoming more like crazy, and, like, “Lock the doors! Here she comes!” crazy.

I pray that God will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust in him.  May your roots go down deep into the soil of Gods marvelous love. Ephesians 3:17

Roots are on their way down, digging deep into the soil of His marvelous love.

Look out, Fear! God’s grip is way bigger than yours!

About joymsteed

"This is the day the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:4 I love this verse but the problem is I, more often than not, spend so much time rushing through the day that I don't think I really embrace what God is telling me through this verse. So, I am deciding to stand still or at least go slow and enjoy the days and the blessings that come, all of them; the ordinary and the extraordinary, the hard and the good, catching the moments wrapped up in each and giving thanks for the journey I am on. I am blessed to venture forward with my husband of 20 years and our two daughters, life has been hard and good and taken us places we never imagined we would go - both standing still and moving. God has been good and now as we enter a new stage, that point where our family road begins to have forks that are leading our girls to begin chapters in their stories that are separate from our story and although this excites me it also makes me wonder what's next for this mom, where do I go from here and what will this next chapter look like for me? I don't have the answers yet, what I do know though is that God is good and I know that He is going to lead and I will obediently follow, leaning in, standing still and rejoicing in the days ahead, the good and the hard days, the ordinary and the extraordinary days and the blessings wrapped in each. Thanks for stopping by and joining in my journey!

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