I am one who likes to feel “in control” of things. I guess in the deepest parts of me, I know that I am seldom truly in control, but I enjoy the feeling nonetheless. I like to have things planned and prepped, with time to spare. However, these past 6 months have been a hard-learned lesson for me on opening my hands and truly laying down all of my assumptions and expectations, and letting God do the leading. Early in 2015, I awoke with an eerie feeling that something big was coming for our family. I didn’t know what it was, and I looked at Dave with a bit of fear and said “something big is coming, our future is hazy, and I don’t like it.” Little had I known, that moment was a catalyst for a series of events that is leading us to one of the biggest changes in our lives.
On the women’s retreat this year, the Lord convicted me of my idol of “comfort.” I thrive in the familiar, the predictable, the known. But sometimes He leads us to new places, asking us to blindly follow into unchartered territories. This spring, through a series of undeniably clear and precise occurrences, we realized that God was calling us to uproot from the life we love in the South Bay, and replant in new soil. We could not have asked for God to be more obvious. As we tell the story of where we’re going (Pacific Palisades) and why we’re going (to move closer to Dave’s work and be able to be together as a family more), I am struck with gratitude for the generous way God is leading us.
I can honestly say that we have not MADE any of it happen. The doors have opened without us pushing… things have fallen into our laps. And my prayer has remained as it began in January… “Lord, I don’t know what you’re doing, but I will follow. Please just make it clear.” So now, as things are becoming real and we see with a little more clarity – it makes the hard parts a little bit easier. I am not afraid to follow, as long as I know it is the Lord that is leading. I am also totally aware of the fact that we will hit bumps in the road, moments of doubt, and days of loneliness. But I can look back over the course of these months with such a security in knowing that God has called us. I recently had a friend encourage me with Psalm 139:5; “You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.” And it speaks to me that as I make my lists, and pack my house, and prepare to embrace a whole new world of unfamiliar, that I can do so with confidence because I do not doubt for one moment that He has laid this path before our feet. And He will meet us in each moment of trial and joy, always providing the grace to handle what He puts before us.
With a heavy-heart, we say goodbye to the village and community that we have loved so deeply. We have weighed the cost, and realize that in the end, we want to go where He leads, even when it hurts to say goodbye. And I am thankful that though the 405 may separate us from so many we hold dear, we are truly not that far away. So, with open hands, my heart continues to cry out “Where you lead me, I will follow!”