“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.” ~ Luke 10:41-42
It is amazing to think how God can transform your heart in 48 hours.
The weight of going to a women’s retreat is real. It’s intimidating and it’s scary for a person like me. You see, being a single and never-been-married working mom is atypical in the church. While my testimony of sharing how God walked me through my sin and brought me into motherhood with grace and mercy is impactful, it is still hard to share without a polarizing feeling, a sense of difference.
Needless to say, coming to a women’s retreat meant there was strong chance I had to explain “yes, I have a daughter and no I’ve never been married” at every mealtime when meeting new people. I worried about this because it created a vulnerability that makes me uncomfortable. And then there are the women that always come up to you with pity eyes and ask in a sweet way “How are you doing? Are you ok?” and my insecurity and pride get the best of me and I get angry and hardened. A self inflicting wound that just wouldn’t go away.
So no, I didn’t want to go to the women’s retreat.
I felt like an outsider but not because of what someone had done or said to me but because my heart had created this armor of self-preservation based on my worry of acceptance and my insecurity of not fitting in. Add the fact I wouldn’t be seeing familiar faces deepened this insecurity.
At each message and each worship service every time I heard “Martha, Martha,” God was chiseling away at the bitterness and insecurity by saying “few things are needed-or indeed only one” and by Saturday I let go of it all.
Face to the floor, all out vulnerable, ugly cry style.
In a domino effect fashion, I let go of the self-inflicted shame…. let go of feeling insecure…. let go of my bitterness.
I felt that weight become lightened the moment I allowed God to break the armor around my heart and it was good. Had I not faced my fears of going to the retreat, I’d be still sitting in those old feelings tonight, unable to forge the relationships I made this weekend.
The weight Martha must of felt when Jesus called her to let go of “doing” must of felt good. Yet it reminds me that being in God’s presence means to stop hiding in the kitchen and to get on your knees….ugly crying is totally ok….. in fact becoming unraveled at the feet of Jesus is when you realize you’ve missed on the blessings and fellowship that God WANTS you to enjoy. You may be different, heavy burdened, insecure, bitter but allowing yourself to become unraveled at HIS feet is like no other.
We would love to share stories and testimony from our time together last weekend at retreat. Please share your insights, reflections, praises and prayers with us in the comments below.